Asylum road

•May 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Asylum road

walk me home

walk me home

 I walked down asylum row at two a.m.

It was cold and I was not quote sure where it led to

On the corner there is a closed pub with signs informed us how we are the only people who can change the financial crisis in Britain

 I am not quiet sure who we are and we can change this

I woke at a seven to hear from the small radio I found in the street that Britain has over quarter of a million people now unemployed

 

It is easy to breed crisis

 

A man sneezed on the train. “He must have swine flu” a woman moaned in certainty and the London paper assured her she was right

 

Madness and insanity are innate perhaps

 

To wonder what the city breeds can be fatal

 

Best not to ponder

 

I walked to the end of asylum row past asylum tavern, past the mother of all tyres, past pay less then turned round and walked home

 

A man chased me on the way and I ran faster

 

This city can be strange

 

This city can be beautiful

 

Moments of calm rational perspective that persuade me not to linger over such paths of insanity

The city walks through the mind

•May 9, 2009 • Leave a Comment
utopia puzzel minus two

minus two

Personal geographies
Intricate maps
Maps of the un imagination
Willingness to go beyond the boundaries of traditional cartography, then fall down lost in new revealed forms
Maps that guide the wanderer to new parts of old place, the familiar lost and reformed
Maps that guide the traveller past the terminus of success, to places that reek of uncertainty and lays in tatters as they fall and riser again and again
mapless the weary hiker signs in for a new journey
there can be a home here on the most silent of nights
there can be rest

there can be stillness

i found a pair of shoes hanging begging to take a new path through this old city

i found a travellers blank notebook

an endless trail of physical geography, cultural attractions, buildings, institutes, individuals and ones own memories

I watched them take a map and struggle with contradictions
The best map will be blank
Awaiting soft imprint
No dank melancholy

one of the charms of a map is that it can never anything near correct
it takes many points of view to see the truth
the spaces people occupy
the people which spaces consume and spit out

we are in disharmony with this land a wise old man with a can of strongbow said to me at 3 am
there are flowers through the concrete
the trees wont grow

we are re making this world each day

the silent theatres of human interaction
road maps to untold destinations

Creeping slowly, the modern approaches its destination. The space in-between spaces and the places that promote a tranquilly that goes beyond chaos.

Find my way to lose your own


This book has been my new best friend


•April 27, 2009 • Leave a Comment
no body had a map

no body had a map

they asked if we could lead the way
only to the best part of the city
where the homes are lost in door ways
and hens stagger about to concern themselves with certain future

They asked if would help
where to buy the best map

what map

The CITY

Yes

The city
which city do you live in the man asks on the bus
not that one
no
he didnt know that place either

we sat in silence

going back to our city
leaving them to theirs and their new map

map me city do

map me city do

there was a pause as we drew in..

i was home

a walk i missed

•April 27, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Elephant and Castle

Elephant and Castle

The city of a thousand lost walks, Paths that lead to everywhere and nowhere and some where but else where. The paths that cross but never interlink, merged force. The tubes of a congested lung where we hurtle ourselves down dirty dank passages to half grasped success. I came here to succeed they whisper at dawn half light six years after a slow arrival. The man watches the days pass, wondering when such success will grasp him through such dull light. The book of a lost traveller is found thirty years later, it is empty, except for a pile of paper clipped expense receipts. To be born to pass through to the stop point. A hesitation as to direction and we march blind to nothing in particular but it has a neon sign of blurred focus. This city is my muse, the city as a non entity, which only flusters the calm gull. The river on Wednesday was calm but it did not bring content. A couple argue. The city makes them dry. A woman grins at the bus stop, I apply more red lipstick and walk on. We are all being watched he whispered behind me, perhaps a fragment of my own exhaustion, the bank sat on our money, the government hurl rocks at our plans, this is the city of higher heels, arguments and falsetto grimaces. The creation of an uncertain wrench of hopelessness where each success is never enough, a dominance of personal negligence to those lingering thoughts of a rural life, a misfit of half dreams. I have missed the last bus. I have drawn three maps of routes I do not remember. This is the city I dreamed of.

my ideals

•April 22, 2009 • Leave a Comment

the-wastelandA way of making my ideal city; fragments of realities pieced together that forge a new reality. ‘A city without figures and form and that generates itself on a basis that allows cities to believe they are not work of the mind or chance but neither one nor the other suffices to hold up their walls.’ (Calvino) I am fascinated by conception and realisation of the concept of a city, any city, what is the place of the city in your memory, what does the name of the city provoke when you overhear it, what connotations does the memory of the sound of the city bring, what provocations, what evocations. , the sound of the city evokes, provoke and remind. As canals run through the city, memories flow through the mind. Engulfing the moment, taking the present into a new dimension, creating the city with all of the images I have amassed from my wanders, my walks, strolls, endlessly seeking to piece together my own map.
I walk the city calm, drawn to the broken maze of dream scapes fallen silent in the tremor of a hurtling bus. The city alone, the city unaccompanied is playful and lures its occupants into unsavoury haunts, offering a new place to play. Streets lit in fantaisiful glow, perfect illuminations of the lights that frame the street which should be as dark as the sky. A lover’s embrace between the grass and the dirt.
The home created does not await my return; I doubt if it ever noted my presence, I was careful not to leave traces, not to rearrange scenes I stumbled on, not writing on the walls, the camera was my only weapon, capturing shot by shot all I wished to see. The city now will flow seamlessly on; more births more deaths, rising falling decay and all the inevitable. The modernity is infectious I imagine it seeping into the healing wounds of decay, ripping the beautiful peeling paint and replacing it with a tacky gloss, age and decay do not sit close to future, all trace seeking a hiding place from the contractors gammy hands and desperate not to be removed

For days walking, looking, smelling, seeing and observing the city as I was not supposed to according to the development agencies, stumbling through fallen palaces, skipping amongst the barren wastelands, an interest continues city to city to unearth the realities of the effects of modernity. Wandering with intrigues through the backstreets, the unmarked places that the map cannot quite locate and the sat nav pauses for. Amongst people who murder pigeons as a warning of where not to pass. A wall of broken glass shatters slowly.

The city meets me with no expectation, offers me a brief show of it allures, vain and pouting then as I crawl to the darker streets; the make up and fancy dress is worn, tattered and reveal a darker layer. Flat blocks left empty, a security guard smiles, and an old smile as though tired of watching the police station. There is a bridge that over looks the motor way, you can stand and feel the breeze of five lanes of traffic brush you metal cheek.

a future performance

•April 22, 2009 • Leave a Comment

In the midst of creating new performances, here are a few thoughts…

A space of peace. The city for dreams desires and fears. A movement of solace and empathy for the lost ideals.

Through a series of intircate movements I will pay homage to the wasteland of the city that now exists as fragmented wastelands. The spaces that have not been utilized, the gritty underside of the metropolis that has fallen into a heap of forgotten shoes. The city and my footsteps. The city and dead spaces, lost dreams and forgotten shoes.

I intend to make site specific choreographic visual performances utilising a handmade series of A0 paper prints of urban wastelands as an imposed back drop, collected together and over a floor of forgotten shoes. With a series of pillar candles I will enact a discrete homage to a lost city, a requiem for regeneration. Each candle becomes a glowing emblem in correlation to a sound score of the lost dreams of the city.

The performance will be of calm intense nature exploring both the extremities possible of the human body from stillness to frantic, composed to contorted, breathless and calm, and the extremities of the space, from the darkest corner to the lightest pathway, through this exploration I will compose a site choreography on site which will reflect the effects of the architecture and ambiance on the human condition, emotionally and physically. The site and its motions and emotions will be the narrative structure for the intimacies of the human emotional cycle. The piece investigates the death of emotional connection to the processes of modernity and growth of the hyper modern, a cry for interaction and open eyes to the treasures of the past and fallen stars.

Practically this results in an installation of faded paper images of the space, a series of burning pillar candles placed in a floor of forgotten shoes, in the midst of which will be silent choreographic performance drawing from tai chi, primal modern movement, Graham Technique and elements of contemporary ballet, such synergy in movement direction will generate a movement series that in relation on the nature of the site for direction an inspiration ,my body mapping the dimensions, both real and projected to re-present the architectural form. The visual choreographic installation will be accompanied by a sound piece made in collaboration with three sound artists of a multi layered textural interview recording of dreams and lost desires that can accompany modern urban life. I have made a map of a fallen utopia which I will chalk on the floor. This will be a street map and all the names of the streets will gradually be removed as night continues.

This piece will explore the emotional and architectural aspects of the space in a practical form, seeking to reflect the death of a part of the human soul in a era of hyper modernity. I seek to actively encourage others to view the space as a ground for dreams and left over nightmares.

The piece is a striking visual image as well as a performance space, I am interested in playing with what constitutes as a set deign an what is the contradiction when this is then labeled as installation space, how such space configuration limit the potential of areas, this can be extended into performance language debate, as to how far the audience interact with the work.

The work is subtle and reveals a great deal of vulnerability and plays with notions of loneliness and loss of sentimneatlity that urban life has a tendency to promote. There is an element of mourning to the piece it is deliberately vague as to what this is a homage to.

Whispers, echoes, the imprinted memory in my camera of a thousand forgotten footsteps, a candle burns bright in homage to a fallen utopia, a wasteland as playground for the disaffected.

This is my Homage to a thousand city folk, those who linger, those who march, walk slowly, rush through the urban jungle as predators, a homage to those who linger as quiet soldiers, the veil of uncertainty.

Fields of the city that can be rambled through, as pastures of a forgotten dream scape, those who see the city through such sad eyes,, though who murmur quietly in their sleep of dreams unfilled.

The city can act as a container for our dreams, a maze in which we can act out our fantasies in flights of fancy and fluxus of uncertainty. The city is a vessel that can carry the tired mind, we position ourselves, set up our camps and begin to try and conquer. This is a life of uncertainty each day a new step in another direction leads to another hope and another musing of possibility.

What does the city dream, what peace and tranquillity does it hold amongst its tumultuous waters. This is a city where all co-exist, a hierarchy of non form and through the muddled definitions and whispers we begin to form a new shape, a city that we can call home.

A city of dreams. A city of reality. A city of distraction and voyeurism. We all use the city, abusing its streets day after a day with our heavy moulded foot prints. We use the city to take use to where we want be, what building do we work in, what route takes us there, who can envisage the city as its wishes, does the city have wishes or is an amalgamation of all of dream scapes, so jagged in their collective form that all separate is lost, except to the power of individual perception.

The city as an emblem for our desires, the whispers of a fallen desire to become something that this city cannot permit, the shouts of exaltation and passion when the city fits the identity that you wish it to assume. What does It mean to dream in London, how does the city act as canvas for dreams.

This is a city that no one speaks of such things. We adopt a mask of certainty, a shell of success that pretends that we are all simply satisfied with what we have. En mass we expect nothing , the city rules us, we are the humble subjects to its architecture, the forces that propel it forwards to grow and expand past all fringes of a green belt, what does it mean to exist as a solider of London.

Unity comes in market cafes, a new plot, something to call home a warm glance form a stranger and a free token of gratitude from the city in the middle of the night. This is city that we rule and are ruled by. A maze of unspoken codes of conduct and unimagined boundaries we are tiptoeing over as we stand close in a forced unity on the bus.

Does the city love, do we love the city. A mute textured interweaving of the subjects of our emotion. Positive influence of a bright sunny day and warm smiles that are a rarity in the bleak winter. The summer months bring fondness and the cobwebs of a cold heart are bruised aside into a heap, reaping mould to be worn in the winter months.

Is this the city of dreams, homage to illusion, a home, a turf? The relationships to the city are mixed and take no set form. Transient and non judgemental, egotistical and judging. Do people make places or can places make people.

Are we independent from this city or does to hold us in strangulation in the force of its grip, unrelenting and unappealing to our meek suggestions of desire to be held.

This is a city where dreams could be sewn into the tapestry of the tube network; illusion could be in the newspaper stand.
Can we shape such force, do we create such force.

What is a city to you?

The city streets as walk in the rain. The city that we dreamed of as an island of bliss. This landscape is the place that we can only dream of as fertile ground for the enactment of our dreams. as simple organisation as we can hope for in the grand scheme of things.

The city is going mad. The walls are tumbling down. Shop keepers are chain smoking at the door, people burst into tears in the morning crush. The streams of people are running as Torrent Rivers, what drives them necessity to pay council tax, toys for their children or to make it. To make what. What is success in a world of fast cars and smoothest skin? What is desire when pornography is the most commonly searched thing on the internet. What is love when you can buy marriage and divorce is a means of earning money? What is success when the rich can buy their place in parliament?

There exists a hollow of corruption which we cannot simply ignore.

A man in the post office complains that he has bad credit rating because he got laid off as builder at the age of twenty five and has since had a series of unfortunate events that has left him in London without a penny and now he is getting money from the government to plant potatoes so the homeless can eat. Words keep tumbling out of his mouth as he narrates the longer story as the queue has ceased to move and we stand in the brightly lit plastic space. Hi story doesn’t quite make all sense but the essence is there, he is still chasing butterfly dreams with a broken net and worn down shoes. There can be no simple answer. Is he not allowed to dream, can the government flatten that any further?

I never loved a city truly. always waiting for the next, fleeting glances of an uncertain comfort, a terror of settling too deep and wishing each night that the things I have left behind are safe warm and happy. The city can warrant a short stay of idealism that breed discontent and then you move o the next, till you decide the countryside would be a better bet, a safer solution to this crisis, a warm comfort blanket when times are all a little too cold. This can be named migration, flocking, many terms academics could proudly chuckle over.

The city does warrant a long term home. The man who sits in the café each day the same seat at all the same times and all the same people pass him and some sit and share a cup of tea and watch his world pass by him. He has been there over twenty years the café owner says, it feels longer than me. Is this the city? These are the people who have seen more and know more than any tour guide could ever highlight with a padded microphone. The city of dreams? The city of daily life and routine. This is a place where we each make our own rules.

But there are sets we forget that we are keeping too. We walk at the same pace as the person in front of us on the escalator, we wear smart clothes when we have too, we buy tickets for the trains, we stand in line, is this civil respect or conforming to yet another reality that we conform too and don’t even remember why or at what point that began to become daily life.

We have a wall to fight.

Regardless of what they say.

It can be two in the morning sat on the late bus home wondering what today has achieved.

Uncertainty. There can be no certainty. Only new dreams of a new place where none of this exists and we all live on a dream land and get along just fine.

A utopia is a self constructed dream field. a utopia is a result of an unfulfilled society.

Please let me in.

The city breathes softer now, as though as our outbursts have tainted it a little and now it is unsure as to how to treat us. The bus ride stays the same length and the bills stay as they always will rise. The government tries to soften us a little with extra benefits for those who dare to ask enough.

The city Breathes

•April 15, 2009 • 1 Comment
Large format Image

Large format Image

architecture that breathes and shakes in the force of human interaction.
The city as an emblem that moves us to remember what humanity can be and should approached with a sensitivity of a gardener that plants sweet peas in his garden in the cold bleak mid winter, he plants with hope, just as we should construct with hope.

The city is confusion, a tirade of an interrupted symphony which repeats and degenerates. We muse that we understand it. We cannot. It is permanent flux, a state a permanent transition. The dictionary does not understand the city as a name; it is a thing with no fixed identity. Crushed it tries to reshape itself, to the mould of London, Trying desperately to conform to all the books which state what the tourist should be excited to see. Nelson’s Column. Covent Garden, Trafalgar Square, Oxford Circus. Soho. Little Italy. Canary Wharf, the Isle of Dogs. Places. Not people. Not the individual marks that allow such areas to have an identity.

I fear the loss of identity the city has to encourage. The sudden coldness that cannot be mapped but exists as emotionless zones. We are all robots in a fallen utopia. We march because we have to march we shout for we fear to cry. This is a science experiment, city dwellers in a Petri dish who are all seeking lost love and a free ticket to paradise.

So, now perhaps you ask what is all this leading to, what reveller in such rants. There can be peace in madness. To note such things Is a way is to create a personal response to such absurdity. To draw your own map from fragmented realities and half drawn conclusions. A ruler, some string and a heap of old photographs neatly traced on to browning paper. This game is absurd I hear them whisper in the morning crush of departing bodies and souls. But still we continue through the tunnels and arrive dishevelled in a shattered maze of distilled illusions. The city yearns towards a broken dreamscape, we march through with bleeding toes, place ballet has broken us today and we yearn to soothe softly with green scenes and a different paradise.

There are key projects which have allowed a little softness to merge our heavy hearts. I wonder what it is that consumes a thousand weary souls. A parade of discordance, a dance of the souls that are consumed with the art that is the every day. The elegance of concrete that burns in the over high lit sun sculptures.

The street translated into neat black walls, we now make signs neatly marked in chalk that washed away in acid rain. Our bodies hold bruises of the cold concrete streets

Police on horse back, riots, the city goes mad, it enters the asylum, quickly released on false charges as it changes its colours and no further comment is issued. The gun baffled and the corner shop shuts.

Endless symphony of trains
Tirades of confused sentiment
We enter
Counting grass stalks in the afternoon
A picnic from the garage
The flakes that fall out of Ali Baba’s Van
Luring us like fallen angels to tempt
Struggles to depart
Drink coffee be consumed.
Warm feet in broken beds
Stumbling a noisy maze
A herd of led sheep
Gems of knowledge in rubbish heaps
Dawn walks us.
Follow
Jesus loves you.
Get on with it.
Certain memories rise
I remember you
Gone
We depart
Singing to strangers
Flying through congested lungs
No certainty of repetition.

This is a suggestion of a certainty that can exist in glass houses where children throw stones in angry tirades. This is the city that cannot sleep for fear that it will not remember the form that it must take to adhere to the guide books. I wonder then why we must send so many postcards. Why do feel the need to repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat. What happened to simple effective communication? The city cannot display its symbols with clarity. The city that forms and reforms, a simple digestion

Walking, looking, smelling, seeing and observing the city as I was not supposed to according to the development agencies, stumbling through fallen palaces, skipping amongst the barren wastelands, an interest continues city to city to unearth the realities of the effects of modernity. Wandering with intrigue through the backstreets, the unmarked place that the map cannot quite locate and the sat nav pauses for. Amongst people who murder pigeons as a warning of where not to pass. A wall of broken glass shatters slowly. A city that I have only known briefly, arriving with no particular routes in mind and no map to dictate a way. Rolls and rolls of film, a late rise and I commence.

What is important about arriving in a city, how to find routes, where to find where the city starts and ends, which buses, which roads, are there such things as good and bad parts, can we know a route in a day. I have maps, tucked into my pocket, unread, reconstructed, cut to pieces and reassembled to make the city I see.

My eyes are interlocked, holding steady a loving gaze towards these ruins, I ask for no love in return. The city is tired and I do not want to place burden on the heaving foundations, subdued by weighty waters. My Farwell takes place in silence. I wave the white flag, to moon light, this sad city knows only departures, and I can offer it no support. Leaving the city of dreams. Leaving love. Knowing perhaps that I will fall in love with another city. The city exists as this; it has a simple secret, which I can shed no light on, only pay homage with my images. Silence but with tears. The shoe of the urban heart rests. The sea brings but a moment of solace, a fast water taxi, racing waves as a dream chase in calm stop mode, I am departed. ‘Cities that can never be rebuilt or remembered. Falsehood is never in words, it is in things.’ (Calvino) My construction through images of an altered reality, a city that flees all moral high ground. The city scared. This is a city of odd colours, paints with no name. Spider webs of intricate relationships seeking form, contemplating with fascination their own absence and seeking at once to love. ‘Memory’s images, once they are fixed in words are erased.’ (Calvino)

Perhaps these images are a way of making my ideal city; fragments of realities pieced together that forge a new reality. ‘A city without figures and form and that generates itself on a basis that allows cities to believe they are not work of the mind or chance but neither one nor the other suffices to hold up their walls.’ (Calvino)

Welcome to Cheapside. This is the city where you can get anything and everything in the pound shop. Pilchards, spam, cup cakes, sausages, a map of the world in the corner shop all lay out in bright colours in lit alleys off consumers’ paradise. The communities are congregated in neat forms, geometrical lines of population diversity; Cheapside is a place of new bricks over old rot. Crumbling walls are propped up by classic symbols of destruction, drug users are shadowed by council statistics of rehabilitation success, and they are clothed in new suits and propped up in cheap centres of overt display of confused identity.
Technique of mass production, mass communication and rapid movement from one part of the city to another have made it easy for us to assume the identity of a wanderer, a lost soul that hides in shady places. Assuming an identity for the day is simple; appearances come ready made in cheap packaged ready made kits.

Flashes of the city on reflection that haunt. The smell of hot tarmac on humid days that lingers dry in the throat. A cursing of the man who cant get the last bit of change. The sea of tired consuming faces through alleys of shops that vend al you need to be perfect, yet always the last ingredient is sold out, return home on the bus waiting until the next day to complete the recipe. The falling and tumbling of buses through crowded areas, the solitary night walkers, a proud rooster and his chicken walk through streets heavily lined with trees and bricks. Cycling the north south divide a heavy fly over punctuates with a series of beautiful views of the concrete river. The council have forgotten to add the north to all of their regeneration plans, leaving it to the hands of the residents who make all the shops their own and talk and child’s play can be heard in the streets once more, commercialism has not reached this haunt and streets are filled with families who I feel would not enjoy the synthetic air pumped in the new malls opting for their own home cooked one instead. There are places which lure us, to the wastelands where our bikes are stolen seamlessly still inked and neat track marks left across the pseudo desert. We follow only briefly, some wars are not worth the fight. The ownership of space once so lucid now is marked out with pigeons, thieves and needles.

The drug den. The home of man who asks all the users to clean up. the modern drug escape the view, drink pink milkshakes and shoot the jewellery corner. Now I see scenes in my head of the burnt out fire and hoards of half human roaring with rage at my invasion to their paradise. What lures me to these haunts, what smell, what image makes it the right path, meeting a drunk with a trademark can and realising that we are all the same, hanging out for our daily fix, only mine is a camera not a needle. a sadness that realises this is not the city of dreams, there can be light other than a tearful eye in the morning dew, this is another’s paradise and I am far from finding my own in such haunts. pausing a moment in a sea of litter, old sofas foreign cigarette wrappers and a used yellow condom I feel giddy, wanting if momentarily never to see this place again, only then to dream of it in nightmares.

The nature center a brief relief from such thought. A stream of lizards and Meer cats softens the harsh taste of harrowing scenes. The camera used now to reflect the joy of the city and its fun zone. More to the point the realities of life in Birmingham if you are having a nice day and not marching round death traps of varying guises. The centre is filled with laughter, awe and amazement, a woman comments how the creatures look like wise men.

The city does not await my return; I doubt if it ever noted my presence, I was careful not to leave traces, not to rearrange scenes I stumbled on, not writing on the walls, the camera was my only weapon, capturing shot by shot all I wished to see. The city now will flow seamlessly on; more births more deaths, rising falling decay and all the inevitable. The modernity is infectious I imagine it seeping into the healing wounds of decay, ripping the beautiful peeling paint and replacing it with a tacky gloss, age and decay do not sit close to future, all trace seeking a hiding place from the contractors gammy hands and desperate not to be removed. There was a man I saw twice, unusual for twelve days in a new city, each time I saw him he was still, paused and watching. He was old and it seemed like he was rooted to his spot like a favourite old tree, the most important thing in the looming of this fictional future where soon people will be virtual is the familiar, the worn and the effort it takes to exchange a friendly glance with a stranger.

 
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